Gather ‘round children, it’s time for Auntie Melissa to bestow some nuggets of knowledge!
As some of you know, Auntie Melissa has started running again. Those earthquakes a couple of weeks ago? Sorry about that. Auntie Melissa gotta wiggle, fat gotta jiggle. I’m getting better, or the earth is power lifting now.
Since it’s been a while since Auntie Melissa seriously embarked on this sport, there was a need to reassess her equipment. Important life lessons were learned so Auntie Melissa felt she should share!
Disclaimer: some of this may be inappropriate. A little. Wildly. Depends on your tolerance levels. Best of luck
When you run during the winter months in the south, you gotta have lights. Blinkies is what they’re called but I’m doubting thats their technical name. You should make sure yours work before you show up to run. Because sometimes you pick up the light that you’d attach to your dogs collar. And unless you’re barking and running on 4 legs, which happens mainly when tequila and running are mixed, that light ain’t gonna work.
Sports bras are important. And complicated. But necessary and highly complex which sometimes results in you stuck with your head thru what you think is the neck hole, holding onto your assets that you’ve not figured out how they get covered yet when your husband walks in. The yelling commences including ‘why are you covering up what I’ve already seen?!’ Followed by your response of ‘NO ONE SHOULD HAVE TO SEE THIS’
Sometimes you end up wearing your ‘Run Like You’re Late for Platform 9 3/4’ running gear to the gym when the weather changes your outdoor run plans. The gym where people are dead lifting and grunting like when you gave birth. Just own it. Harry Potter is cool and they’re just jealous.
Plus the night before your running gear sported black and yellow ‘Bruins’ up and down the sides so they know you can drop the gloves and lay the smack down on them AND turn them into a troll with your authentic HP wand. Wingardium leviosa peeps!
Mouth breathing is fine. Just because you sound like you just came across every picture of Jason Momoa ever taken, or potentially having a heart incident, is not a big deal. It’s not. Those people changing treadmills? They just can’t handle your HP and hockey loving bad ass-ness
So there you have it. Running 2.0, the reboot. Remember to wear your brightly colored shirts with your insurance information either in sharpie or black electrical tape across the front and back; makes it easier for the paramedics to find and help you.
Auntie Melissa is out. Slowly, she’s sore. Peace!